Saturday Morning Reset

Last week, I sat down and poured my heart out about cleaning my house. You can read that blog here.

I sent the blog to my husband before I posted it. I do talk about him, after all, and I wanted his approval before airing our dirty laundry on the internet. I am pleased to report he laughed a couple times and I am even more pleased to report that this opened a discussion about cleaning the house.

He admitted to being unbothered, but not oblivious. He sees the messes too, but it doesn’t affect him the way it affects me.

We talked about cleaning schedules and color-coded charts and Fly Lady’s method of 15 minute zone cleaning. He admitted this strategy sounds suffocating. Then he pointed out, correctly, that inaction feels suffocating for me.

He suggested we start doing one hour family cleaning on Saturday morning. I have fond memories of Saturday morning cleaning as a kid. Windows open, the smell of bleach, and Grateful Dead on the stereo. It’s often too hot to open the windows in Houston, but I soo look forward to those 3 weeks a year that we can do it.

Anyway, we both agreed that Saturday morning cleaning session would be beneficial for our kids and for us. So, we are going to give it a shot. I expressed my concern that while I love this idea, and I think we can get our entire downstairs reset and cleaned in that time, there are still things we never seem to get to. The deep cleaning—fans, baseboards, windows, etc. I suggested that I continue Fly Lady’s 15 minute zone cleaning for that stuff, and instead of asking him to follow the color coded zones that he feels suffocated by, we come up with a list of deep clean items that become his responsibility. When and how we does those things are up to him. He actually wants to take things off my plate and off my mind. Go figure…communicating with your husband actually works!

If deep cleaning continues to be a thorn in my side, we can always hire a cleaning company to spring clean for us twice a year.

This feels hopeful, and maybe even a little fun.

This interaction and others like it are what makes me feel safe in my marriage. He will genuinely hear me out. He respects me and wants me to be happy. He believes we’re a partnership. If you have this foundation, you can get through anything. Just have the conversation.

With work, many of our cilents have similar complaints. They are stressed about the house and their husbands just don’t see it as a big deal. Most of the time, the husband is understanding enough and caring enough to do what it takes to ease the burden off his wife’s shoulders. Even if that means hiring us to do the work for them. Changing lives and marriages in this way fills my cup. Truth be told, I think organizing is fun. I’m not a fan of cleaning. I find it to be back breaking labor, but I’ll carry totes up and down stairs all day! I guess it’s just a mindset thing.

Maybe we need to find a way to make cleaning more fun. Grateful Dead, here we come.

Hi, I’m Naomi!

Founder of Charming Spaces, professional organizer, wife, mom of three and passionate advocate for women.

I hope this blog is everything you’re looking for, but feel free to shoot us a message and follow us on Instagram!

Monday Morning Overwhelm

It’s 7:30 am on a Monday morning. I’m trying to read for 20 minutes while I sip my morning coffee, as I do every day, but today, I am distracted. There are dishes in the sink. The trash is full. There are amazon boxes piled up and my cat has blood on his nose that I cannot figure out. There are still balloons up from my son’s birthday party which was July 12th.

I’ve been home all weekend. What excuse is there for this? Well, everyone else has been home all weekend too, and sometimes, you just feel so tired of constantly picking up and cleaning. I also started my period this weekend and was pretty much dead to the world yesterday. The fatigue I felt yesterday overshadowed the stress I knew I’d feel when I woke up this morning to this mess.

So here we are. It’s Monday morning and I’ve got to get to work (business work, not housework). I could spend an hour dealing with the house. It would make me feel better, but then I’d be behind on the business work I’m supposed to be doing. My husband works from home on Mondays. He is unbothered. If I asked him if the house was clean right now, he would recognize the dishes needed to be done and the trash needs to go out, but then he’d say “It looks great! I’ll do the dishes and trash real quick,” and he would. Because in all honestly, he’s incredible and he cares about me. The house is never as bad in actuality as it feels in my chest. It wouldn’t take an hour. It would take maybe 30 minutes to get things reset for the week. Why does it feel so heavy?

I read Fly Lady’s Sink Reflections recently. I can’t stop thinking about it. She lays everything out for you. Gives you a precise road map to follow. Detailed cleaning lists for every space, a schedule, routines, you name it. 15 minutes a day zone cleaning. I can do that. I love zones! Splitting my house into zones makes so much sense. Set a timer. I tell my clients to do that. You can do anything for 15 minutes! Color coded schedules, sign me up.

Where I’m struggling is this…no man has ever zoned his house. No man that I know, anyway. No man that I know has thought it even necessary to clean the baseboards. Let alone the light switches and door knobs. Every woman I know knows this needs to be done. No man I know has ever carried the weight of his house in this manner, but every woman I know is overwhelmed by her home and feels like she’s failing. Do the men actually have this figured out? One of my husband’s favorite phrases is “just gotta not let it bother you.” Simple right? Simple, but not easy. He literally just walked in here to tell me about a flame thrower he wants. I shit you not. Unbothered.

I can talk to my therapist about this, sure. My assumption is that we would deal with my feelings about my home, myself, my marriage, my kids, my parenting – and eventually it would all come down to unlocking something about myself. Some realization I come to that would make me…less bothered by the whole lot. But…I’m not sure I want it to not bother me. If it doesn’t bother me, then does that mean I don’t care about the house anymore? Does that mean stuff doesn’t get done? Because shit gets done when I’m bothered. I want a nice home. I want a clean home. I want to be proud of my home. I don’t want to be unbothered. I just want it to be perfect all the time so it doesn’t bother me, right? Unrealistic. These are the circles I run in my head.

I’m a professional organizer for crying out loud. I’m supposed to have it all together. Listen, my house is organized (except for that one closet upstairs). It’s the day-to-day messes that build up that will be the death of me, quite literally.

My clients are women just like me. They are stressed about their home, just like me. Except they also have clutter on top of it. I know how to deal with that. To be fair, I know how to deal with all of this. If dealing with it means getting shit done. If there was an award for making a to do list, I’d be the champ. I can prioritize. I can see what needs done and I can plan it, execute it too. I can, but I would also be the first one up and the last one to rest. My gym time and my work time would have to come second. The worst part of doing it all myself is the resentment I start to feel towards my husband when I am the one doing it all. Maybe that is what I need to go to therapy for. I can do all the things, but I want the division of labor to be fair and equal. I want to feel supported at home without having to make lists and delegate. I want initiative and proactiveness.

Fly lady says don’t be a martyr. I hear you. I don’t want to be a martyr, but mama, I am tired.

Women ask me what the answer to this overwhelm is. I don’t have the answer. I’m right there with you. Perhaps its therapy. Perhaps its outsourcing. Perhaps its just the phase of life we’re in until our kids are grown. I don’t have the answers.

I do know how to get shit done. I can declutter, organize, and clean a house more efficiently and effectively than most people I know. I can sit with you. I can hold your hand and say, I know….me too. Then we stand up and brush ourselves off and get back to it.  

Hi, I’m Naomi!

Founder of Charming Spaces, professional organizer, wife, mom of three and passionate advocate for women.

I hope this blog is everything you’re looking for, but feel free to shoot us a message and follow us on Instagram!