Last week, I sat down and poured my heart out about cleaning my house. You can read that blog here.
I sent the blog to my husband before I posted it. I do talk about him, after all, and I wanted his approval before airing our dirty laundry on the internet. I am pleased to report he laughed a couple times and I am even more pleased to report that this opened a discussion about cleaning the house.
He admitted to being unbothered, but not oblivious. He sees the messes too, but it doesn’t affect him the way it affects me.
We talked about cleaning schedules and color-coded charts and Fly Lady’s method of 15 minute zone cleaning. He admitted this strategy sounds suffocating. Then he pointed out, correctly, that inaction feels suffocating for me.
He suggested we start doing one hour family cleaning on Saturday morning. I have fond memories of Saturday morning cleaning as a kid. Windows open, the smell of bleach, and Grateful Dead on the stereo. It’s often too hot to open the windows in Houston, but I soo look forward to those 3 weeks a year that we can do it.
Anyway, we both agreed that Saturday morning cleaning session would be beneficial for our kids and for us. So, we are going to give it a shot. I expressed my concern that while I love this idea, and I think we can get our entire downstairs reset and cleaned in that time, there are still things we never seem to get to. The deep cleaning—fans, baseboards, windows, etc. I suggested that I continue Fly Lady’s 15 minute zone cleaning for that stuff, and instead of asking him to follow the color coded zones that he feels suffocated by, we come up with a list of deep clean items that become his responsibility. When and how we does those things are up to him. He actually wants to take things off my plate and off my mind. Go figure…communicating with your husband actually works!
If deep cleaning continues to be a thorn in my side, we can always hire a cleaning company to spring clean for us twice a year.
This feels hopeful, and maybe even a little fun.
This interaction and others like it are what makes me feel safe in my marriage. He will genuinely hear me out. He respects me and wants me to be happy. He believes we’re a partnership. If you have this foundation, you can get through anything. Just have the conversation.
With work, many of our cilents have similar complaints. They are stressed about the house and their husbands just don’t see it as a big deal. Most of the time, the husband is understanding enough and caring enough to do what it takes to ease the burden of his wife’s shoulders. Even if that means hiring us to do the work for them. Changing lives and marriages in this way fills my cup. Truth be told, I think organizing is fun. I’m not a fan of cleaning. I find it to be back breaking labor, but I’ll carry totes up and down stairs all day! I guess it’s just a mindset thing.
Maybe we need to find a way to make cleaning more fun. Grateful Dead, here we come.
Hi, I’m Naomi!
Founder of Charming Spaces, professional organizer, wife, mom of three and passionate advocate for women.
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